"Thorpedo resurrected as 'bot!"
I was just watching John Raven's Newsround and saw a the above story, amazing news and a coup d'etat for the AVS!
Flinty so eloquently and tragically prescribed the great Sturry and Anglend left-handers tragic demise at the hands/steel plates of the McGrathbot. However, Flinty left in tears without noticing 'that Bruv' crouched in the corner (just having coming back from his cameo appearance in Eastenders where the PVS tried to sell him on Alfie Loon's stall - they didn't!)
In seeing the McGrathbot spasticate our Thorpedo into molten milch, that Brother scampered away tail between his ears and off to the cricket nets just off of New Road, where Bothie and Boycie were having a net session. They were recalling pre-V days when beating the Cons, 'Stanis, South Aficaaners and co was third nature. That Brother roared (he can't speak) at Boycie and Bothie and with their ESP they could tell that there was trouble at mill. Off they skated to Williamson Hills where they were just in time to gather the molten larvae remnants of the Thorpedo in Boycie's panama. "What now" I hear you viewers shout?
Well, they went to visit eminent Doctor Dr. Abdullah Abdul Guru Guru Tandoori, who was the man responsible for putting together the charred remains of Stewie back then in 1994. In fact, when Boycio and Both arrived Dr. Tandoori was treating the Stewbot at that time - he was having a new copper spleen and mechanic bladder fitted.
"HOW WOZ HE?" Shouted the Stewbot as they entered in his robotic voice, but with a slight Surrey twang.
"Shoot oop, Alec, me and tut beefy is 'ere to see tut Doc. We’ll 'ave a wee net wit' the laters." Retorted Boycie
Boycie and Bothie explained the situation to Abdullah, who fortunately and coincidentally had a mould in the shape of Andrew Strauss and some loose limbs and former body parts of former dead AV cricketers (you know Malcolm Marshall, David Gowers, Viv Richardson, Adam Hollioake, Mike "Hodgson" Atherton etc), in addition to all sorts of metallic and electronic gadgets. Guru Guru spent some time and put together a quite unique droid. A mixture of molten Thorpedo juice, Lord Vivian Richards arms and feet, Gowers's legs and Hodgson's kidneys, spleen and old todger, this combined with a steel spinal column, aluminium skull, an electronic central nervous system and robotic brain - all in the shape of Straussie!
Man, we have ourselves a Straussmachine from the remnants of the great Thorpedo - the Thorpedo is semi dead, but his soul lives on in the body of the Straussmachine; we also have all the attributes of some of the great AV batsman enhanced by modern technology!
I for one cannot wait for the Series against the 'Stanis - this baby is gonna do some damage!
However, the McGrathbot, Evil V and Fletch are still at large for this crime - what next? If you spot a snivvelling, wee-smelling, smirking drunk on a street corner supping Evil V's blood or you hear the sporadic thuds and a cranking mechanical sound in a neighbourhood near you - you know what to do. As Shaw Tyler used to say - "Keep them pierced!"
If you have any insider information, email the editors of Wisden or contact Kent Police - under no circumstances approach these men/drunks/droids....