I have some very...distressing news...i must try and keep a lid on my emotions so that i can get this story onto the forum...

I was in Ladbrokes, as usual, checking the form for the 3.15 at Wogbury. It was one of those perfect days where the sun was shining, birds were singing and such like. Anyway, i was standing there, the old chap in one hand and a fag in the other, bracing myself to lay an Aryton on 'Cop and Half' to romp home on the nose, when the door to the bookies swung open.

I don't know what it was that gripped my innards, but i came over all * like, as if, as if, there was something evil in the air. I took evasive action and grabbed the nearest Racing Times and lifted it high to cover my face.

Next thing i know, i hear this noise like this. Zggggggh-ka, Zgggggggh-ka. followed by slow, dragging footsteps.

It was the noise of a powerful machine, the sound of cogs grinding and motors turning. Whoever was sloping in behind the machine was clearly Brahms and Liszt.

One by one, the working class gobshites that frequent the establisment fell silent. I peered over the top of my newspaper and nearly soiled myself in surprise.

Standing there, bold as brass, were the gruesome twosome of Evil V and the Mcgrathbot, each holding bags with pound signs carefully embroidered onto the material. The Mcgrathbot's bag was much bigger, about the size of two adult cows and approximately a million tonnes in weight. Evil V's face and clothes were covered in old evil v's blood and he smelled of poo and wee.

I maintained my cool as the scene unfolded before my eyes. One of cloth capped regulars lost control of his nerves and screamed 'A BOT! An evil BOT!' before diving through the glass window.

The Mcgrathbot started his menacing walk and slowly gathered pace in the manner of his metronomic run-up at the crease. He reached the counter, with evil v sawggering languidly behind him, burping and coughing like a vagrant.

The shopkeeper, to his credit, stood his ground and glared at the PV troublemakers.

"Can i help you gentlemen?"

The Mcgrathbot opened his robotic mouth.

"ONE - BILL- ION - POUNDS - ON - THE - CONS - TO - BEAT - THE - WORLD - ELEV - EN"

His voice made me feel physically sick.

"Sorry Gentleman," said the bookie, "PV scum aren't allowed to bet on the Aussies."

"WHAT?!" screamed Evil V, dropping his swag in horror, "What did you say?"

And with that, the bookie pulled at his face, and to my shock, it came off in his hand! Even more amazing was the face behind the mask...it was the THORPEDO!

Evil V put his hind to his mouth. The Thorpedo reached under his desk and pulled out his favoured bat, the 'Wiltshire Twenty-Sixer' and pointed it at the rogue captain.

"I should have done this a long time ago Michael. I know what you've done and i know what you've got in store for the Super Test. You are a scumbag Evil V. I've been watching you for the last few days with That Brother!"

Evil V cowered.

"This is for the AVs!"

"Glen! Kill him!' Evil V screamed.

I dropped my newspaper as i saw the Mcgrathbot move his head towards the Thorpedo. I shouted out to him, but it was too late.

Two red beams of ultra-beam shot from the 'Bots eyes and struck Thorpey square in the back. The customers started to scream from within their hiding places all over the shop.

With a tear in my eye rushed at the pair and pulled my AV magnet from my pocket, a gift from Harmie. Sensing the magnet, Mcgrath dropped his money, which fell straight through the floor all the way to the earth's core, it was so heavy. He then activated his boosterboots and flew through the ceiling to safety. I made for Evil V, who was sniffing and crying, but he spat into my eyes. His saliva must have contained some evil poison of some description, as it burned. Such a deep burn!!!

As i staggered, V ran out of the door like the coward he really is. Blindly i tried to find my friend The Thorpedo, but was it was to have been in vain.
I wished that Harmie could have been with me, as we would have surely been able to confront the pair together. It was just too late.

Too late.

The police told me, an hour or so later, that the great Thorpedo had been melted by the Mcgrathbot's nuclear gamma-rays. My heart felt bruised. Thorpedo was a true AV and like a brother to both Harmie and myself. True he was a bit weird, but he was one of us.

So forum readers, it is a bitter and most terrible story that i tell and it pains me to be the one to tell you all, but better from me now than reading it in the tabloids later.

Graham 'the Thorpedo' Thorpe AV RIP
long may you be remembered.

Thank Bothie for Harmie's magnet. It saved my life!